


in the moment we're lost and found

by amethystkrystal



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Infinity Stone Soul World (Marvel), M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sam Wilson-centric, Soul Stone (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26390248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amethystkrystal/pseuds/amethystkrystal
Summary: Sam Wilson meets a familiar face inside the Soul Stone and learns some important lessons.
Relationships: Riley/Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 54
Collections: Samtember





	in the moment we're lost and found

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the Samtember Day 10 prompt "Riley".   
> Thank you to the mods who came up with the prompts and organized this event!

Sam feels himself coming apart. 

It's not painful, exactly, just strange and  _ wrong _ . Scattering. Numbing. He looks around frantically, but he is alone in the Wakandan jungle. 

His vision blurs, he can't feel his own body, and then… nothing.

___

Sam wakes in his DC apartment. It looks just the way he left it four years ago: same eggshell white walls, same too-soft mattress, same bright sunrise coming in through the window. It's all so  _ normal _ he nearly forgets that he's not supposed to be here. 

He bolts out of bed — halfway across the room he realizes his winged suit is gone and he's wearing freaking  _ pajamas  _ — and hurries down the hall. He half thinks this is a trap and half thinks it's a dream.

There's a man in the kitchen frying eggs and whistling cheerfully, and when he turns around, Sam's heart catches in his throat. He can't breathe. He can't move. He's frozen, heart pounding.

"Riley," he breathes.

Riley — it  _ is  _ Riley; Sam would know those green eyes and dimples anywhere — just grins at him, and Sam feels like he's about to throw up and weep at the same time.

"What the hell is this?" Sam says after a second, because his sense is slowly returning to him and the last thing he remembers is fighting an alien army and some purple asshole. He swallows. "Am I dead?"

Riley's smile fades slightly. "No."

"What is this? How are you  _ here _ ?"

"You're in the Soul Stone, Sam."

Sam feels a cold dread. Banner had explained all about the Stones and Thanos's mission to seize them all. So if he's  _ inside _ one of them, that means…

"He did it," Sam says blankly. "Thanos wiped out half the universe."

Riley nods solemnly, coming over to him, reaching out to lay a gentle hand on his arm. It's exactly the kind of thing Riley would do; he was always better with comforting touch instead of words. But…

"You're not real," Sam says, even as he leans a little into Riley's touch, unable to help himself. It's been so goddamn long. "You're just a figment of my imagination. Hallucination. Some Dumbledore-at-the-train-station shit."

"Real or not, I'm right here." Riley brings his arms around Sam's neck and draws him close. And goddammit Sam  _ goes _ , leaning into the embrace because even though it's been almost ten years it seems his body hasn't forgotten what to do when Riley's hands are on him. 

"This is just some kind of fucked up dream state," Sam murmurs into Riley's neck, talking mostly to himself. "And I'm gonna wake up at some point. They're gonna stop Thanos and undo whatever the hell he did."

"Well, I'm sure you at least have time for breakfast."

They eat scrambled eggs and toast and the whole time Sam still feels like he's dreaming, caught between reminding himself  _ this isn't real _ and wanting to savor every second of Riley alive and smiling and eating breakfast in Sam's kitchen like he does it everyday. 

"We should probably head to work soon," Riley says after polishing off his plate.

"Work?"

"Well, ninth-grade American Literature isn't going to teach itself. And you do the 9 AM group right?"

"You're a high school English teacher," Sam says, awed. He remembers Riley always with his nose in a book, every free second he had. 

Riley just beams at him, and Sam feels a bittersweet melancholy in his chest. 

___

Sam takes the Metro to the VA and leads the 9 AM group just like he would have any other day before an incorrigibly handsome dumbass decided to run laps around him at the National Mall and make him an Avenger. He feels a pang of sadness, thinking about Steve. He hopes he's okay. He wonders if Steve got banished to the Soul World too and what his version is like. He feels fleeting bitterness over the fact that they aren't together.

For Sam, everything's the same as it was four years ago: the building, the pamphlets, the people. He goes through the motions because there's not really anything else he can do in this not-quite-real world. He's got a lunch break before afternoon group, and as he sits in his office eating his usual — a tuna sandwich and chips from the deli down the block — he gets a text from Riley telling him about how he put on "The Lion King" to introduce his students to Macbeth, and it hits Sam all of sudden.

This is the life he could have had, the life he was  _ supposed to _ have. Riley making him breakfast in  _ their  _ apartment, texting him stupid stuff in the middle of the day, telling him  _ see you tonight _ . 

_ It's not real _ , he thinks, blinking back tears. But that doesn't stop him from replying with a kiss emoji. 

___

They go to bed together that night and it's awkward only for a moment before Riley puts a hand on Sam's cheek and kisses him tender and sweet. Sam smiles into it, unable to help himself, and he decides right then and there that it doesn't matter if this is a hallucination or alternate reality or what, he's not gonna waste a damn second. The kiss turns hot, Riley sliding his tongue into Sam's mouth, Sam moving his hands lower and lower. 

They take each other apart, and afterwards, Sam cries like a baby and Riley just holds him close. 

___

"Tell me about it," Riley says one night, and Sam does. He tells him about Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanoff. He tells him about living in the Avengers Compound. He tells him about the Accords and what happened after.

"You must really care about Steve a lot," Riley remarks and Sam doesn't know what to say to that.

He doesn't tell Riley that ever since he met Steve Rogers it's felt like he's been riding a comet across the universe: dangerous and insane but also so, so brilliant. He doesn't tell him that Steve was the first person to make him feel  _ alive _ since that awful night an RPG took down the man he loved and all their shared dreams with him. He doesn't tell him that he's been a coward about it, never telling Steve how he feels.

___

Days pass. Weeks pass. Months pass. Years pass. Sam settles into this life, and so much time has gone by that some days he forgets completely that he lived another life.

But some days, he jogs around the National Mall and he finds himself waiting for someone to come up behind him and say "On your left."

___

Sam is pulled back without warning. He's sitting on the couch with Riley, watching a football game, and he feels the awful  _ splitting _ that can only mean one thing.

"I'm going back," he says aloud, and he's overwhelmed with grief and joy at the same time.

"I love you, it's going to be okay," Riley says quickly, desperately, and they barely have time for a final, solemn kiss before Sam is gone.

___

There's no time to process anything; Sam is whisked right back into battle. He soars through the portal, and when he catches sight of the raw relief on Steve's face, something inside him settles. 

___

Afterwards, when they have a moment alone, Steve says "Oh my god  _ Sam _ " and hugs him tight. Sam grips him back just as firm, and then when they part, Sam takes a steeling breath and presses his lips to Steve's. He knows, now, what it means to have an event that changes the entire course of your life, and he'll regret it forever if he doesn't at least try to go down this particular path.

Steve stares at him with wide eyes, mouth parted. "Sam..."

"I love you, Steve. I just needed you to know that."

There's a pause, Steve still staring at him in shock. And then, cheeks gone pink, he smiles and says, "God, Sam, I love you too" and draws him into a kiss that feels like it's been a hundred years in the making. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Twitter as [@amethystk219](https://twitter.com/amethystk219) if you want to say hello to me there!


End file.
